There have been times when I am sure we’ve all felt overwhelmed at home, with extended family, friends, or at work when we’re being pulled in different directions and seen as the fixer or person who has the answers. There is a fine line between when you feel like you’re contributing to issue resolution or well-being and when you feel like you are doing everything WRONG.
And then there are the times when you’re NOT the go to person. You’re not even in the circle of go to people. And while I believe we all want to feel needed, we also need to realize when it’s time to let go. You may not always be the decision maker, your opinion or advice may not always matter or be wanted, and that doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person than you were before. It doesn’t mean you’re any less of a contributor, confidant, or companion; when you move through life and develop what seems fitting to call wisdom in this case… you realize it’s not about you at all.
The people in your life have different needs than you do. Some have to hash out every detail of an issue, some want to sit with it for awhile and then talk it through, and some don’t want to talk at all. Something I love about my workplace is the transparency we have around our personality assessments, we can show those results openly and it’s an indicator to those we meet with as to which kind of communicator we are and if used properly with a bit of emotional intelligence, saves a lot of hurt feelings. If everyone could walk around with signs publicizing personalties and preferences for communication, it might make life a little easier to navigate. Though I definitely know some folks who would not like that exposure… and that’s OK too!
When you let your own insecurities come through, you just feel bad about what you think you did or didn’t do “right.” When you realize that you’re a good person, that you’re just doing your best like the other people around you and you can’t be everything to everyone at the same time, life is a lot lighter, you feel more free, and ultimately more happy.
I have posted before about my thoughts on expectations. Throughout my own perceptions, I have found expectations to be nothing but the robbers of joy. Think about it… if you’re waiting for those flowers and you get them, do they smell as sweet? If you didn’t expect them all, isn’t that rush of joy from the wonderful surprise so much better? Or think about how false that compliment you receive feels when you know you’re not doing everything as well as a great (insert the correct word) partner/ associate/ friend/ parent would… rather than letting yourself off the hook and know you’re trying your best and someone else appreciates it!
It’s OK to be the go to person and it’s OK when you’re not. Just be you.