The Family Mission Statement

The concept of creating a Family Mission Statement was something I learned about recently at a training.  It came back to me last night in a particularly rough parenting moment where all my patience was lost.  My husband, my rock, gave me a hug in our dark hallway while our eldest child continued to scream.   His actions were enough to give me some resolve.

Image result for power of a hug

When re-entering the room,  I was direct with our child and she reached a state of calm.  While she then proceeded to read to us, my mind flashed back to that training a few weeks back.  The instructor’s demeanor and outlook on life were admirable.   And she noted one very important thing that aided in a positive turning point in her life; the creation of the family mission statement.  I had never thought of doing that with my family.  I find now a simple google search on the idea will provide you with many ideas on how to create one and show you different examples.

In the class I attended, our instructor was very open about how it helped strengthen a bond in her own family that needed repair.  As I laid in my daughter’s bed last night, I knew the points I wanted to bring to our family meeting when creating this statement.  A vow to not cause each other stress.  And with a positive twist, to encourage joy, love,  being yourself, and appreciating each other.  And throw in there… forgiving and accepting, as that’s always needed!

flowers

So it’s a new day and I’m next to a bouquet of roses my husband sent me.  They were timely, and the note simply stated he wanted them to put a smile on my face.  Mission accomplished 😘.  As I sit here admiring them I can’t help but notice the wonderful thing about them is not only their different vibrant colors… but also their similarities.  Each rose while unique shares some characteristics; a lot like family.

The yellow rose: joy

The red rose: love

The white rose: new starts

The pink rose: gratitude

These roses and their meaning could be our family mission statement with no words needing to be said, and perhaps they will be if my family feels the same.

Because alone they are beautiful; but together they are glorious.   Embrace togetherness.  Embrace the love.  Embrace family.

Happy Mother’s Day ❤️

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Don’t Miss the Magic

As we have all heard and those who live it, parenting is hard.  There are days when you lose your mind and days when you lack sleep and feel half alive (like today).   It’s so easy to harp on the negative, to think about all the things not done… the forever accumulating to do list. The challenges, the exhaustion, the LAUNDRY… ugh.

The key to achieving a more calm state, one I need constant reminding of, is to accept and on top of that… ENJOY.  There is magic to this time, to every age of a child, to every experience in family.  I find myself sometimes rushing the years ahead in my mind… oh I can’t wait until Little Man doesn’t need to get picked up constantly when I’m trying to make dinner, or Little Lady doesn’t need help with homework or endless answers to the constant chatter.   Moments later I think… there will be a day when they don’t need or want me like they do now.  I get glimpses when my daughter is sassy pants and wants to be left alone….   When you think about your own adult self and the independence you have now, it’s crazy to think you ever NEEDED anyone to survive… right?  But we did, we all needed someone.  If we were lucky enough, we had parents that loved and supported us… even amidst yelling and  stress and jobs and LIFE.. they were there.

So I strive for this and to not MISS the magic happening right now.  The sweet way my daughter still believes in the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa…and adamantly defends them to the older kids at after care that tell her they are fake.  She loves the magic still, the princesses and everything that entails… she’s so innocent and sweet… and even when I was yelling my head off today, she patted my arm and said “It’s OK Mama” with her big blue eyes shining up at me.  I really hope she never loses that, that inclination to lean towards compassion instead of anger.   I pray she passes it onto her little brother who adores her and smiles every time she is near.  The magic between the two of them is already palpable.

So many moments can just pass us by if we don’t take notice to them.. if we don’t allow ourselves to feel them.  Not all of them will be rosy or end well.   I think that’s OK too, life isn’t a fairy tale, but it’s real and amazing and getting hung up on the small stuff is just not worth it.

Take your moment today and flip it around… be appreciative of the hug at the end of the fight, the compassion you extended or that was extended to you… take the good feeling away, don’t hold onto the hurtful one… smile.  Take the approach to the day in which you live, laugh, and love.   I promise I’ll do the same… the world could use it.

2017-04-13 09_52_05-smile laugh love - Google Search

Robbed Time

When I started to think about what I wanted to write about on this topic, I had one intent.  Releasing the anger that builds up inside when I feel cheated out of time with one or both of my kids, along with the time set aside for me.  For instance, when looking forward to time with my little man, still not able to walk and trying his best, all smiles and giggles, and my little lady decides she needs all my attention at that moment.  I was bubbling up with anger towards her, yelling far more than I should and expecting (Ugh, I should know better… read about expectations here: The thing about expectations) her to get  that the baby needs my time too.

I then would also rush towards anger when my son wouldn’t stay asleep during my daughter’s bedtime routine.  That’s the time when she confides in me, we read together, and we snuggle.  It’s our 20 minutes a day of mama / daughter time.  And he was robbing that from her, and again, I was angry.

I started obsessing about the me time I was missing.  Where was my time to write?  When was my downtime to veg and watch The Voice? And what about workout time… that’s been nonexistent!  Instead I was falling into bed knowing I’d be woken up by one or two kids at some point in the night for who knows how long.  And inside, the rage continued.

Now with all that said, I should note that my rational self realized throughout these feelings that I was lashing out and getting unreasonably fired up.  I have two kids, a full time job and a traveling husband, this is life as I have chosen it to be.  I have read enough and continue to about positive thinking, so what the heck is going on here?  I have forgiven myself somewhat, knowing I was operating on not enough sleep and solo.  However, I don’t want rage to be my default no matter what the situation.

anger-inside-out Credit: Movie- Inside Out

Even if feisty by nature, the happiness of those around me and myself has really been suffering.  At this stage in life, Mama is my children’s center.  And if their center is always teetering on erupting, well that doesn’t leave a great foundation for the times we are not together and how to cope with their own struggles.

So, here I was, coming around and realizing for the umpteenth time in my life, it’s better to roll with it than get upset.  To help the littles realize they have to take 2nd or 3rd slot at times and it’s going to be OK.  I was slowly coming around to all of this when a tragic incident happened at an event in my community.

My best friend is a runner and our 3rd musketeer was in town, so we went to cheer her on in a local race.  We had a really nice start to the day, got to see each other and our kids on a beautiful sunny morning (not so great for the runners) and cheer our friend on as she finished 13.1 miles.  I left feeling refreshed and looking forward to the day.  I found out later on that a woman a few years younger than me with 3 young kids collapsed at the end of the race.  She has now passed on.  And I can’t stop thinking about her… about how her time was robbed and there is no turning that clock back.  What a reality check, she was young and healthy, doing something good for herself and her body and for whatever reason her time was up.  That could be any of us on any day and we forget that, ALL THE TIME.  We waste time being angry or worried, not smiling, not laughing, not cherishing those we love and care about.  There will be moments when we are down, angry, and unreasonable.  I get that.  But getting lost in it is the real struggle, not able to step back, breathe and remember our time here is short and then determining the way we want to spend it.  To face situations with understanding, to give a hug vs. a harsh word. To remember we we are all human, and therefore flawed.

To NOT forget our time is finite… let go of the anger and hold onto the sweetness.  I urge you to enjoy yours as I continually try to create this balance for myself.

Thank you for reading and helping me towards that goal! I wish you the best towards finding your balance as well ❤.

life balance